Reverse psychology refers to getting another person to do or say something by telling them the opposite of what is desired. It’s a common tactic commonly found in advertising and even parenting, and can be a great skill when used carefully and responsibly. We’ll show you how to use reverse psychology, and show you when it’s appropriate versus when it’s manipulative. We’ll also tell you why it works, how to spot it, and how to respond when someone else uses it.

 

Start by presenting an option that you want.This is probably the thing the person would normally resist and may initially scoff at, like a kid who doesn’t want to eat their asparagus.^[1] Make sure the person is aware of the option at hand, without pushing them that direction just yet.

• For example, say you're deciding between 2 parties to attend. Your friend is a film fanatic, and their group of friends are having a movie night. You're more of a board game person, and another group of friends is having a game night.
• Make your friend aware of the option you want. Say something like, "Did you hear Madison and Emily are doing that board game night? Kind of boring, if you ask me."

 

Drop subtle hints that make the option you want more enticing.You might tell them that you’re not convinced yourself, and need help choosing.^[2] Then, plant in the person’s head some positive outcomes of what might happen if they choose your option. Again, it’s important not to seem too enthusiastic.

• For example, casually mention some fun board games that will be played at the event, or bring up who else is going, or other things, like, "Madison always has the best selection of wine at her place."
• Or, use nonverbal cues, like playing a game of cards with your friend a few days before the event, letting them see for themself how much fun games can be.

 

Discourage or argue against the option you want.Once the person is hooked, become slightly argumentative.^[3] This makes your friend naturally push for the option you want. One common strategy is to suggest that they’re not ready for it, like, “These games might be a little too hard for you, though…”^[4]

• Or, say something like, "Well, we can go to Madison and Emily's, or that movie night. What do you think? I think Madison and Emily's thing may be a tad boring."
• If they’re still ambivalent, be more overt. Say something like, "We can always go to Madison and Emily's another time."

 

Push the person to make a decision.To close the negotiating process, push the person to make a decision. This makes them think they're making their own choice, without your influence. Ask them politely what they want to do, and wait for a response. Hopefully, the person will go for the option you were vying for.^[5]

• Say something like, "So, we can go to Madison and Emily's, or the movie night. What do you think? It's your decision."
• This also pressures the person to make a more urgent decision, and they might yield to your choice under that pressure.