So how can you get along, or at least feel less bad, with someone you don’t like? One way to make it easier is to remember that you’re not perfect, and that someone else might feel the same way about you. After all, we’re all human and make mistakes.
People tend to avoid people they don’t like. However, at some point, you’ll have to work with them. It may seem like a daunting task, but the truth is that you can work with (almost) anyone. And when you work “peacefully” with “difficult people,” you can discover a completely different perspective on things, and even gain some very useful insights.
Successful people understand that if you “narrow down” who you can work with, you’re limiting yourself. 11 Ways to Deal with Difficult People
1. Accept That You Won’t Like Everyone
The truth is, we won’t like everyone we meet. The first step to dealing with a difficult person is to accept that we won’t get along with them, and that’s okay.
Not liking them doesn’t make us bad people, and it doesn’t make them bad people. But we all have to find ways to work with them. When you have a conflict, don’t make it clear who’s right and who’s wrong, which will help reduce the negative emotions that make relationships difficult.
2. Pay attention to your emotions
Dealing with someone who makes you uncomfortable can have a negative impact on your own emotions. A difficult person will drive you crazy, but only if you let them. Remember, you, not some negative person, have the right to decide how you feel.
But that doesn't mean you ignore that person or don't accept what they do. Pay attention to your emotions, if someone makes you angry, let yourself recognize that anger, and gently calm it down. Remember, sometimes you just need to smile and nod, no other attitude or reaction is necessary.
3. Choose to solve instead of erupting
Learn to practice a "politician" face - this is the important key to being able to treat people politely and civilly. Not showing emotions does not mean you agree with the views of people you don't like or accept the way they do things. Just keep your interactions civil.
Be soft on people, but firm on issues. This means focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking the individual. When you learn to do this consistently, you will be seen as a professional and positive person, which will give you an advantage in many situations.
4. Don't take it personally
People often do things for themselves, not for you. They may react to something in their own way, and it's just a coincidence that you get caught up in the mess. Try to broaden your perspective, a more comprehensive perspective will reduce the chance of misunderstandings.
Be proactive when dealing with someone you know can make you angry. Think of all the possible scenarios and think of the most effective way to handle them, and visualize how you would react. This will help you avoid the “ping-pong” effect – where you overreact to them and they overreact to you. Remember that every problem is about two things, the person you are talking to, and the problem you and they are solving. Focus on the problem, not the person.
5. Rise Above the Irrational
It's easy to rely on emotions to deal with a difficult person, especially when their behavior is unreasonable. But if we lower ourselves to their level and let the problem escalate, we will be seen as a troublemaker. Don't let emotions overwhelm you and make you feel like you're being influenced by them.
Remember that you don't have to react to the problems they create. You can choose to be more generous, focusing on the core of the problem and reasonable solutions. If you need to point out problems or difficulties that exist, do so as objectively as possible.
You don't have to react to the problems created by "difficult people"
6. Calmly express your emotions
Often, it's the way we communicate that leads to bigger problems. If someone’s actions and communication make you feel uncomfortable, it may be time to be honest about how you feel about them. The key to doing this is to say it calmly and not too directly, implying it is better.
“I feel” is one of the most non-aggressive statements. The goal is to convey your thoughts clearly and with as little stress as possible without blaming them. A formula we can apply is: “When you…, I feel… Please consider… trying this.”
When telling someone what they did that made you uncomfortable, be as clear and specific as possible, and say what you need them to do to resolve the issue. Once you have said what you think, start listening to what they think.
7. Pick your battles
Not everything is worth your time and attention. Sometimes talking to an unreasonable person is like trying to reason with a tantrum-inducing child. They simply aren’t worth your time and energy. Ask yourself, would you want to be caught in a heated argument about something you could have stayed out of? Is the end result worth the effort? Are you losing more than you’re gaining? Consider whether the problem is situational, and whether it can be resolved over time. In fact, a quarrelsome, disruptive person can be useful to you. So consider tolerating them if they help you more than they cause you trouble.
8. Give Yourself Space
It would be great if we could build a wall to keep that annoying coworker out. While a physical barrier is impossible, we can still build mental barriers and decide when and how we will deal with them, based on how much time we spend with them. Give yourself space to calm down so that others can't pressure you.
Emotionally disconnect from them completely, stay away from situations where you know you will react negatively. If you know you need to recover emotionally and mentally before facing a situation, take a deep breath, keep a calm mind and go into it.
9. Have a support group
Don't go into battle alone, find people who can support you. Approaching a difficult person or situation alone will inevitably have serious consequences. It’s hard to get a holistic perspective when you’re in a one-on-one situation.
Find people you trust who can support you and help you feel less alone. They can help you see things objectively and help you think about how to deal with a difficult person. And sometimes, all you want is to vent and be heard. Once you feel comfortable, you can move on. Knowing you have support gives you the strength and confidence to accomplish anything.
10. Evenly distribute power in communication
If someone is constantly complaining and focusing on your mistakes, you can even distribute power by pressuring them to reduce their annoying behavior. Don’t get defensive when someone is trying to go all-out on you. This will only make them more aggressive. Instead, use your “stick to your back” and let them be the focus. The best way to neutralize their negative influence is to ask questions about the actual work, how to solve problems.
If they try to distract you and belittle your work, ask them for advice on how to do it better, such as, what would they do in that situation. If they become rude and bully, point it out to them. Show them that you need to be treated with a certain level of courtesy, otherwise you will have to treat them the way they treat you.
11. Take control of your own happiness
Never let a negative person dictate your happiness or joy, your pride. Don't let petty comments or pressure take over and ruin your day. Stop trying to find someone to validate your accomplishments, instead focus more on yourself.
Take a few minutes each day to reflect on yourself. Maybe something you dislike about someone else is also causing you trouble. Understand the source of your discomfort and resolve it. Always remember, you are the one who has control over your mood. Stop comparing yourself to others, and no matter what, your worth comes from within, not from someone else.